mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
