So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
