I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We just shotgunned beers for America
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
