I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
