sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
