Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
