Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
