I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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