God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
