I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
