I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
