she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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