Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
