She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
