I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
