Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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