Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
