why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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