He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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