I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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