So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
