it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Enjoy the penises
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
