Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can't just leave with hair like that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
