Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
