I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
