I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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