you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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