So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
