I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
