Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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