I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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