the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
