take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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