when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
