That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
