just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
