well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
