she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
