you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
