I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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