you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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