I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
