Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
