Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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