he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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