so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
