she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
