He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
