So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
