I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
